Popular
by Queen O' Randomness
Summary: Rum Tum Tugger decides to give the Magical Mr. Mistoffelees a makeover. Based on the song Popular from Wicked.


It was the day after the Jellicle ball. Grizabella had gone to the Heaviside Layer, Old Deuteronomy had returned, and Tugger was bored. That's right; the one and only Rum Tum Tugger was bored. Tugger did a quick glance a crossed the junkyard. The kittens were staring at him; he winked in their direction and all let out a simultaneous sigh, Pounce and Tumble were pouncing and tumbling, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer had just come in looking a bit too innocent, and Mistoffelees was sitting by himself. Tugger walked up to Misto.

"Misto- now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project." Mistoffelees looked up at Tugger

"You really don't have to do that"

"I know. That's what makes me so nice!" Tugger smiled down at Mistoffelees. Then started to sing.

"_Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I  
And let's face it - who isn't less fortunate than I?  
My tender heart tends to start to bleed" _

Although he was no Kristen Chenoweth, Tugger wasn't that bad at singing.

_And when someone needs a makeover  
I simply have to take over  
I know, I know _

Tugger held up a hand to silence Mistoffelees from what he was about to say.

_exactly what they need  
And even in your case  
Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face  
Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed  
Follow my lead, and yes, indeed  
You will be_

_Popular! You're gonna be popular!  
I'll teach you the proper pose  
When you talk to queens  
Little ways to flirt and bounce  
Ooh! I'll show you what collars to wear  
How to mess your fur  
Everything that really counts_

_To be popular  
I'll help you be popular!  
You'll hang with the right cohorts  
You'll be good at sports  
Know the slang you've got to know  
So let's start 'cause you've got an awfully long way to go_

_Don't be offended by my frank analysis  
Think of it as personality dialysis  
Now that I've chosen to be come a pal  
A brother and adviser, there's nobody wiser_

Tugger hugged Misto to hold him in place while he sang.

_Not when it comes to popular -  
I know about popular  
And with an assist from me  
To be who you'll be  
Instead of dreary who you were, well, are  
There's nothing that can stop you  
From becoming popu-ler. LAR!  
La la la la ... We're gonna make you popular_

At this point Mistoffelees was trying to escape the singing Tugger, but it was in vain. It was just too funny to watch Tugger prance around, very badly, almost tripping over his tail.

_When I see depressing creatures  
With unprepossessing features  
I remind them on their own behalf  
To think of celebrated heads of state  
Or specially great communicators  
Did they have brains or knowledge?  
Don't make me laugh!_

_They were popular! Please -  
It's all about popular!  
It's not about aptitude  
It's the way you're viewed  
So it's very shrewd to be  
Very very popular like me!_

With Tugger's high pitched laugh, Mistoffelees wondered how much catnip Tugger had eaten before coming to find him.

"This is never going to work" complained Misto.

"Misto" Apparently Tugger had a 'brilliant' idea. He was bouncing around like a monkey in front of a banana tree, with sound effects.

"Your whole life is going to change, all because of me. Let me show you how to thrust your hips! You just reel back, and push forward. Reel and forward. Or had hand gestures. Use your whole body. Get in to it, the ladies love it."

Mistoffelees tried the pelvic thrust. He did worse than Tugger but considerably better than other cats attempts (Pouncival).

"Stand, I will now transform your little white bib into a mane. Mane! Mane!" Since Mistoffelees thought Tugger was trying to do magic he asked.

"Do you want me to try?" He said utterly confused. Tugger didn't have magic!

"No, Etcetera was supposed to bring a clip on mane."

"Like yours?"

"NO! Mine is **real**. Awww, just wear the bib, it's pretty." And now for the finishing touch."

Tugger messed up Mistoffelees head fur a bit, with something that looked oddly like gel.

"Why, Mr. Mistoffelees, look at you. You're a ladies tom." He handed Misto a mirror. Mistoffelees peered into it .He looked the same except for crumple fur and a curl exactly like Tuggers. He stared in horror at the curl.

"I - I have to go." He said before running to his den with his head bent down.

"You're welcome!

_And though you protest your disinterest  
I know clandestinely  
You're gonna grin and bear it  
Your new found popularity _

_Just not as quite as popular as me!_"

Just then Ectetera ran in carrying a fake clip on mane that looked a lot like the one Tugger himself was wearing.

"Sorry…I'm…late." She gasped. The maine coon sighed.

"So, were did Jerrie find the fake mane?"

"In your den….why?"


End file.
